Study Your Loved Ones

I learned a lot of lessons in California, but one of the most important involves how to treat your loved ones.

I stayed with Gary and Anne after the convention and what a blessing it was to watch them live out their day to day lives.

I loved Anne from the moment I met her. I hadn't been in her presence two seconds when she enveloped me in a warm hug that made me want to melt right into her arms. It was a genuine hug that plastic people can never give. That hug immediately told me that she was real.

Over the next few days I watched how she treated her husband. I watched and I learned. Her every word, deed, and reaction was filled with kindness and love. That she esteems him highly is unmistakable. Every time an opportunity presented itself she took the time to speak little words of praise and encouragement to him, making him believe that he could do anything. I don't know if he even realizes how much affirmation he gets from her in a given day, but I sure noticed it and thought to myself that anyone in those circumstances couldn't help but feel like a king.

But it wasn't just her words, it was her overall tone. It's one thing to say all the right things, it's another to have the right tone and attitude behind those words. On a few occasions we needed to leave and Gary was right in the middle of writing something. She would gently, but firmly, remind him that it was time to go and then she would sit and wait patiently never saying another word about it. I thought of all the times I'd been in a simliar situation, but I couldn't leave my husband alone but nagged and prodded and wanted to grab him by the arm and say, "Get moving, Buster!" Even when Gary and Anne disagreed about things the conversation was respectful and often laced with humor.

I actually met Gary at the convention a few days before meeting Anne. I noticed that whenever he mentioned Anne, his face lit up and he beamed with pride. He told me that he often buys her clothes. He said he could look at an article of clothing and think, "That's Anne!" That he was a student of his wife was very evident because he knew her likes and dislikes in intricate detail and he took great delight in providing things she especially liked.

But Gary and Anne don't just study one another. They study others too. They studied me. They noticed little details about me. Gary knew what type of tea to bring to me when he offered "broom service". When we were on the way to the airport to send me home we had a mix up as to the time of my flight which left us flying down the highway in an effort to make it to the airport on time. Anne, perceiving my anxiety (I REALLY wanted to get home that day) quietly said things to soothe me. "Oh look, we're nearly at the Irvine exit. The airport is in Irvine, you know." "About twenty more minutes and we'll be there." She never pointed out my anxiety or nervousness, but just sweetly addressed it in an effort to comfort me.

I learned much from Gary and Anne. I learned the importance of studying my loved ones and treating them in ways that are best for them. And I learned how important it is in this big frantic world to slow down and notice all the wonderful qualities in other people. I learned that it's just not all about me. In fact, none of it is about me. But the greatest lesson of all is what comes as a result of studying our loved ones and implementing what we learn. Peace.

When I stayed in Gary and Anne's home I was struck by the peace I found there. I felt so relaxed and at home and acted as such. Anyone who knows me well knows that is a virtual impossibility when I'm staying with people I hardly know. I realized that when we make it our goal to truly love our families in the way they need to be loved, home becomes a haven. It becomes our protection from the onslaught of the world, a place of refuge. It's the place where our families feel safe and warm and loved.

So I make it my aim to study my loved ones and learn to love them with my words, my actions, and my attitude. Thank you, Gary and Anne, for the great life lesson and the wonderful hospitality!